


Confession

by Aspirissa



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: F/M, Sharing a Room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-30 00:22:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19030957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aspirissa/pseuds/Aspirissa
Summary: Ellie hears Alec crying in their shared their hotel room.





	Confession

Ellie’s awareness came back to her slowly as the bed’s gentle shaking dragged her from sleep. For a moment she was unsure of her surroundings. Her mind leapt to Fred, but she quickly remembered he wasn’t there.

Pretending she wasn’t awake she lay very still, processing the realisation that to her right Alec was quietly sobbing into his pillow.

Oh god, he’s actually crying. Is he awake? Do I try to comfort him? - she ran through options and nothing seemed appropriate. Where’s the guide for how to deal with your crying-ex-boss-who-arrested-your-husband-for-murder-that-you’re-sharing-a-bed-with ?

A physical ache arose in her chest, she really hated people being upset. But did she know how to help him? She didn’t even really know what wrong. Her hand softly touched his shoulder almost of its own accord. “Are you awake?” she whispered.

The shaking stopped, and she heard a weary sigh. “I’m sorry Miller. You shouldn’t be seeing this”.

His voice sounded stretched and tired. Ellie wrinkled her nose, “That’s alright, I’m not really seeing anything. It’s dark.” Immediately she winced. “Sorry… not very funny. Do you want to talk about it?”

Alec didn’t reply. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and rubbed his face.

Ellie took a breath and continued with a soft voice. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I am here.. if you need me that is. I know you think you have to carry all the weight on your own, but it’s not true. I’ve tried that and it just doesn’t work, at all”

She found herself thinking of Devon, the aching loneliness and all the faking normality she’d done to try and fit in. Suddenly she was desperate to explain.

“I’ve been so lost… I still am. Tom’s disowned me, I never have been able to really talk to my sister but she’s acting so high and mighty about my own son now. I even tried talking to Fred a couple of times”. She gave a short humourless laugh. “He was about as forthcoming as you actually.”.

Alec remained still, and silent, but she could tell he was listening.

“What I’m trying to say is, coming back, seeing him in court. I was dreading it. But in some respects it’s what’s making me feel human again. Coming back here, and .. spending time with you.”

Her words faltered and she paused, trying to define what she wanted him to understand.

“You’re, well. Completely insufferable actually. A wreck. You infuriate me so much that half the time I actually want to hit you.” Her eyes stared across the dark room at the wall and she set her jaw.

“But it’s worked, we work, it’s been a distraction from the never ending pile of shit that is everything else in my life.” The truth of her own words hit her all of a sudden. “I don’t know if you realise how important that’s been for me. I don’t think I realised properly until just now”.

A tear escaped from the corner of her eye, and she caught it with her wrist. “God look at me. Bit pathetic eh.” A grimace crossed her face, she’d be embarassed about this tomorrow, but then so would he. Might as well get everything said while she could.

“I guess I want you to know that .. even if you feel like your world’s ending and everything is falling apart, christ that’s true for both of us. But you being here is helping me. This “ she gestured with her hand between them both. “is the reason I have the strength to keep moving, one foot in front of the other. I just want you to take something from that, if you can.”

She closed her eyes, mentally bracing herself, then shuffled slightly, swinging a leg to the floor. “I’ll give you some space, I need to clean up.”

A hand reached out and touched her arm, and she turned to look at Alec’s face. She could see his glistening eyes in the shadows and he gave an almost imperceptible nod. “Thank you”.

The hand withdrew back to his side.

Ellie paused her movements, waiting to see if he wanted to say more, but he turned away and closed his eyes. The moment had passed.

She withdrew her leg back into the bed and looked up at the ceiling. Whatever this was she didn’t have a label for it. None of the things she thought she knew about people, relationships, or even life, seemed to fit any more. 

All she could do was take things a day at a time, and she realised that right now she needed those days to contain Alec Hardy.


End file.
